i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
