At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
