4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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