Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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