don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
