Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
