we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
