I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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