Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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