i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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