I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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