a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize