Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
