Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
