should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
