I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
