It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the condom got lost in my hair
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
