I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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