Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
