His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I want to fling myself into the sun
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
