I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
