he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
