He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
