I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize