Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize