Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
