No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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