well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
