I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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