I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
