I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
