she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
