My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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