OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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