He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
