wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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