my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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