Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize