u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
