So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
