i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
