I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
