wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
