Whod you bang
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
