420 ftw
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
