dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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