Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
