dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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