honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Michael Bay diarrhea
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
