WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
