3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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