Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
