Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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