AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
