Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
