he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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