I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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