I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
