Quick, to the slutcave!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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