your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
