They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
