i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
