its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
