coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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