sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
