no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
