we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
