So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
