between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
