Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize