you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
