My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
