Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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