Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
