It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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