Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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